When questions lead to Extraordinary Answers

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month -- I came across the following article and it really just struck a cord for me.
This. http://news.recombine.com/2015/10/22/afraid-wouldnt-understand-grieving-lost-embryos/

This article could easily have been written by me if I was able to put all my feelings into words that is. From the time we began IVF we have been quite open about our journey and since I conceived and had N there has not been any questions from strangers regarding our fertility or lack there of. It has been far People stop asking "why don't have kids" when you have one. But now that we have our twins I am asked often if they are "natural" or "if twins run in the family" (along with a slew of other questions) and when I answer that second question it is typically followed up with more questions about how we ended up with twins and that generally leads to our story of infertility. I have found myself bumbling trying to both contain my emotions (hello post-pregnancy hormones) and explain the journey we have been on which becomes increasingly difficult when you see the other person becoming uncomfortable with the conversation.
Our journey has a few extremely high points when we found out we were pregnant each time, hearing the heartbeats, having 2 successful pregnancies. But then there are also the deep valleys and dark pits that we went through - the losses, the babies that never were, having to make crazy difficult decisions to take an injection that would stop my baby from growing but ensure my safety and life and those other embryos that never made it back into my womb that arrested in the lab - those were our babies too. It is hard and so many people do not want to walk through those hard parts of life with you let alone strangers who ask these questions not knowing the depths you went through to bring home these beautiful God given babies.

Side note: Never ask someone if their children are "natural".

IVF #1 - miscarriage and healthy pregnancy

FET - resulting in early miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy

IVF #2 - healthy twin pregnancy

Beyond these 3 transfers we also lost numerous other embryos that did not make it to either a transfer or long enough to be frozen.

Same Post Years Later...

With the rise of The Facebook blogs have gone the way of printed paper it seems becoming mostly obsolete. There was a time I was reading dozens of blogs catching up on the latest happenings with family and friends across the country. I do not have much time to contemplate the happenings of life right now but I have been feeling like all of the thoughts I am having need to get out of my head! And while having those feelings I also feel that my words are too many for what seems to be appropriate for the quick blurb and some photos tossed up on The Facebook. As November has traditionally been blog each day during the month I suppose it is good timing to try and get some of these thoughts out into the universe, quick before I forget everything in this I have 3 - three and under brain fog that seems to cloud about me right now. 

Reflecting On My Miracle

Before I keep playing catch up with picture posts of N8, I wanted to take a few minutes to share about my miracle as today is a very special and significant day.

December 16

One year ago today we were smack dab in the middle of our IVF cycle.
One year ago today I was put under anesthesia and had 8 eggs extracted.
One year ago today our DNA was put together and created 6 amazing microscopic babies.

And now for a short rambling... I have been thinking a lot about how amazing our God is. Even when I was dealing with negative result after negative result with our IUIs and I was busy doubting, worrying and grieving I still had this immense sense of peace. I felt we needed to go through those IUIs but I had this voice telling me that we would get our baby(ies) through IVF, that I would get pregnant. This peace did not make it less terrifying for me though (how many attempts would we have to endure, what kind of loss might we be faced with? where will the money come from? what if I'm wrong and it doesn't work? etc.) but it gave me moments of calm and serenity that I desperately needed to continue taking steps forward through this process. So many Sundays tears would end up falling from my eyes while I worshiped, crying out to God and He gave me more moments of peace to help me make it through.

Thank you Lord for your peace, I am forever grateful.

It is absolutely amazing what a difference a year makes.

N8's 1st week

September 17-22, 2013

The first night home was ROUGH! N8 was soooo hungry and not satisfied with what he was getting so there was much awakeness and crying all night long. Lucky for us there was a doctor apt. the next day and we discussed some options in order to help satisfy N8's hunger. Using a syringe we are feeding him some formula while he is nursing, it has helped a ton though it is tricky and time consuming to do. The doctor wants to see him back in a few days to check on his weight and make sure he is gaining instead of losing since he dropped 10 ounces from his birth weight. Otherwise we have been adjusting to our new roles and getting to know our little guy. He is quite a content baby. N8 squeaks most often when he is hungry but once fed he goes right back to sleep. He is so snuggle-y, he will sleep on you for hours and hours if you want him too. 

Hanging with the Grandparents, Uncle Bradley, Auntie Christie and meeting Cousin Stephen

Meeting Great-Grandma McIver AKA Mair

Meeting Great-Aunt Jean

Every single time there is a diaper change we were greeted with the highest pitched screeches ever! We have been doing team diaper changes to try and speed along the process so that we minimize the amount of screeching time by N8. 

Erin was super kind to drive up to meet Nate and bring my mom with her!

Meeting Grandma Goedhart

Cyndi's mom took a week off work to come up and stay with us to spend time with her new grandbaby.

As you can see Nate had a very busy first week. :)

Going Home

36 hours after having N8 we were finally heading home. 

Someone made it very well known how much he did not enjoy being put in his car seat to go home. His entire body turned beet red. One of the nurses insisted on me taking a pacifier with us, you know just in case, since he was making such a racket. (I will have to find that photo and scan it in later)

Since he was being so noisy about the car seat I sat in back with our little guy. Once in the car he calmed down and wanted to hold hands during the entire trip. He ended up falling asleep but would not release his grip on my thumbs. 

Time to meet Gizmo. G carefully crept up to investigate and sniff the new addition. He started with the toes and worked his way up. He continued doing this for a few days anytime N8 was quietly sleeping, G had to check him out.

Hospital Stay

September 16-17th 2013

Not much sleep was had during our hospital stay (not because of the little one) as people were in and out of the room constantly checking the baby or checking me. We tried to make our stay as short as possible so I made sure to check everything off my to-do list for the nurses as quick as I could.

Getting to know our little guy. 

N8's 1st visitors

September 15-16th 2013

These wonderful people waited & waited & waited...

So that they could meet N8!

And.... we're back!

Wow! I didn't realize it has been so long since I last posted on this blog. Now that the little Hutchkin is here I will be back to posting on this blog with more regularity and only occasionally posting on my Reproductively Challenged blog.

Here is the link to the story about how our Hutchkin made HIS arrival: Labor & Delivery

Big or Little....

cats love boxes!

Check out my post from a while back of Gizmo and his love of boxes. Click Here.

Now check out this video of big cats and boxes

Electric Run

February 2013

5Ks are addicting, well for me at least. I signed up for this one before we started our IVF cycle and honestly did not anticipate being pregnant. So instead of running this one I walked it at a slow and steady pace. But I still finished it and enjoyed myself while I did it. 

Getting electrified

The scenery around Del Mar for the race

Alumni Softball Game

February 2013

I was sad that I couldn't join in the fun at the softball game with the other Biola alumni, nor could I tell anyone why I couldn't play (that whole pregnancy thing) since it was still a secret. I did have a great time catching up with everyone and meeting Krista's twins! It is always a good time to watch a fun softball game. 

Introducing the 'oldies'

Play Ball!

Last Blog for Last Year

December 31st, 2012

We began our 1st IVF attempt in mid-November. Since the clinic was closed for New Years and I was going to have to wait two extra days to go in for my blood test I decided to take an HPT first thing in the morning on New Years Eve. I figured either I would get the bad news that it didn't work in 2012 and we could begin 2013 with a fresh start or it would be fantastic news to end 2012 and something wonderful to look forward to in 2013. While it felt like an eternity waiting for the result to show up though it probably took less than 30 seconds. Then I kept waiting for the NOT to show up, but it never did...

This was a great way to end/begin a year. 

Special Exhibit

December 30, 2012

Paul, myself and the parents headed up to the Reagan Library to spend the day. We looked through the main presidency portion, grabbed lunch and then headed to the special Disney exhibit! There were tons of memorabilia: sketches, posters, replicas of how his home office was set up, tons of other Disney items. 

Costumes from many of the princess and super hero movies along with Pirates and Alice in Wonderland. 

Portions of original rides, vehicles from rides and movies along with recreations of sets. 

Disney artists sketches for Mr & Mrs Reagan, Mickey ears and a staff name tag. 

It was a beautiful day.

Christmas Eve

December 2012

Our Christmas tree complete with Charlie Brown. 

Tree. Presents. Family. Cookies. Penguins. Laughter. Food.

Disney @ Christmas

December 2012

Unfortunately for Bradley he got sick and couldn't use his tickets to Disneyland, however this was quite good fortune for Amy and me. She came and met me at work and we headed off for an evening of fun. We hit up DCA first for a spin in Radiator Springs and then headed over to Disney for the rest of the night. Our evening though cold and too windy for fireworks was lovely.

The Office Christmas Party

December 2012

Marshmallow Toss 

Turkey Carving. Christmas Story. Singing Carols. Hanging Out. Presents. Decor. 

Game Time. 

Cheese.

Turkey Day

November 2012

This year I did something a little different for Thanksgiving. I drove out to Arizona (Tuscon) to visit Charlene. Her mom was kind enough to host me for the weekend and her family welcomed me to their Thanksgiving feast. We had a great time catching up, hanging out, eating, and we even went to see a movie.

Dinner with the family and our outing to In-n-out.

I got to meet this adorable little one.

Hangin with my buddy.

Dawn on the drive home.

On my way through Phoenix I had the pleasure of having breakfast with TK & Wes.

Mumford & Sons

November 2012 @ The Hollywood Bowl 

1. Babel 
2. I Will Wait
3. Roll Away Your Stone 
4. Winter Winds 
5. Below My Feet 
6. White Blank Page 
7. For Those Below 
8. Timshel
9. Little Lion Man 
10. Lover of the Light 
11. Thistle & Weeds 
12. Broken Crown 
13. Ghosts That We Knew 
14. Awake My Soul 
    (with Dawes)
15. Holland Road 
16. Dust Bowl Dance 
17. Encore:
17. Lovers' Eyes 
18. Where Are You Now? 
19. The Cave 
20. With a Little Help from My Friends

FYI

It is likely that the majority of my posting will be going on over at Reproductively Challenged for awhile. With work, school and doctor appointments I cannot even begin to pretend that I can blog in more than one place at a time.

Pssst

... its over HERE. 

Stylin'

I love my PURPLE staples! 

Commute

This was my Monday morning commute.

You can read all about what happened HERE.

Really hoping the commute today is the opposite of Monday!

Fitness update

... because it's Monday. Check it out over HERE.

The other, other blog

Because anything related to infertility belongs over HERE.

Odd Sight

Not sure what happened but on Tuesday when I headed out to lunch this (two fire trucks and an ambulance)  was what I saw parked in front of the Health Center.